Monday, July 16, 2012

Me or My Passport

Despite all my best intentions, it was clear that I was not going to just forget my way out of this situation. I was taking Spanish classes, I was salsa dancing, I was over-pronouncing mojito and Cooooooooba, I was living on pause between one misspelled, unpunctuated, lower-case email and the next. I was falling for this guy - a 25-year old Cuban resort entertainer. 25. Cuban. Resort. Entertainer. I repeated these words over and over to myself, trying to find the sense in them. It didn't help.

I decided there was no harm in having a glance on the internet for advice on the whole situation. Maybe I could visit him a couple times and then he could visit me. Surely that was reasonable. Surely that was possible. I'm not sure what I typed in, probably something about Canada Cuba love visit visa...whatever it was, it seemed to instantly set off a deafening alarm in the world of the cautious, angry, bitter and defrauded. I'm surprised a Just Say No to Cubans intervention vehicle didn't roll up outside my apartment seconds later to drag me off for reprogramming. Even without it, I felt like I'd been doused in a bucket of ice water. Website after website came back screaming Noooooooooo! Cuuuuuubaaaaans Eviiiiiiiillll!!!!! Ruuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!!!

CUBA: A paradise of sexual tourism  
Have you ever fallen in love in Havana? Avoid the scams and pitfalls 

Cuban Love or Fraud .
Cubans don't know how to truly love anyone. ... I do believe that everything was a scam from the start.

Cuba Confidential
More than half of all couples divorce, many never marry and infidelity is the national sport.


Cuba FAQ's
I'm a woman traveling alone. Is Cuba a safe place to travel for me? Yes! No problem ... but don't fall in love :) 

Marrying a Cuban!!@*%@#$!!??
Beware of the scams, there's a lot of marriage fraud among Cubans. Know that 70% of all Cuban marriages end in divorce. (official statistics) 

After hours of reading about the devilish, heartless, money-hungry, scheming, jineteroish, passport-hunting, marriage-frauding, evil Cubans, I was crushed and angry. Who was Juan? What did he want from me? Was I a joke to him? A stupid tourist willing to throw my life away for a few rum-n-reggaeton fueled romps and some scraps of emailed romance. He'd called me once, ONCE! Did he really think I was that stupid? That I'd roll out the welcome mat to Canada for one phone call?!!!

I grabbed my phone, texted him furiously 'If you are doing this just to get to Canada, tell me now. Don't tell me you love me if all you want is a free ride out of Cuba. I would rather just give you my passport than give you my heart!'

It didn't take him long to respond, there was obviously anger there but nothing intense, he just seemed disappointed and hurt...
               i'll tell you something if you think i tell you ''i love you'' is couse i want to move to canada you better forget me couse i'm not that  kind of people bot we can be friends and i never ever do that couse i don't need to live in canada for to be happy couse i have everything i need right here so write me back if you want and i now i write to you in espanish... 

The same message twice. Once in English, once in Spanish. Both saying the same thing. Both telling me I was wrong. That I didn't know him. That I'd crossed a line. I didn't know what to believe, him...or the millions of voices on the internet telling me that this too was a lie. Just another move in his elaborate game.

Either way I felt awful. I wrote him to apologize. He didn't answer. I called him. Again and again. He didn't pick up. Despite his assertion that we could be friends, I knew I'd gone too far. I knew that in my attempt to save myself, I had lost him.

25 comments:

  1. Great blog :) I cant wait to read more!

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  2. Thanks for the feedback and glad to hear you want more. It's so awesome to know people are enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it!!

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  3. I read your blog in one sitting from beginning to end.What a beautiful thing it is to follow your heart. It takes a lot of courage.

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  4. I was scammed by a dominican. it all seemed so real and i couldn't believe that all the scam talk could ever apply to him. plus i felt smarter than that. I wanted love and happiness with him so bad and with him parroting every interest, value, belief etc. of mine and telling me what i wanted to hear it really seemed true. i feel like an idiot now and i only wish i listened and didn't follow my heart instead of my head. he could have not responded not because it was true love but because you are suspicious and now a harder challenge when there are easier targets out there. hence why friends could be a waste of time for him unless you change your opinion. use your head not your heart. and listen to your friends and family. they are not blinded by love and hopefully don't try to protect your feelings but tell you the truth.

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  5. As A frequent traveller to Cuba I can definetly say 99%of those stories are True! Keep Yourself away from dramas and Try to find a REAL love in another country or Country of Your own.

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  6. People give Cuba a bad name... only because they are dumb about it and then take it out on the entire country. Many Canadians go there and meet some cuban at the bar or resort and the cuban is usually 30 years younger than them, and then they rush and get married right away.... Well if you would not marry someone 30 years younger than you in Canada after a month... why would you do it in another country? People need to think more. Cubans are good and bad, just like Canadians. I have been with my Cuban husband for two years, and I am Canadian and we are happy. All of his Cubans friends are all married to their wives and do not cheat.... People just like talking about the bad.. and it is really just common sense and you need to surround yourself with good people, regardless of the country you are in.

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    1. I am Canadian living in Montreal, and YES, CUBANS are cheating, liars. I have friends both men and women who were put under the Cuban spill, got married, had kids and after a few years when the CUBAN got everything the wanted, they took off. I to have travelled to Cuba and was not impressed by the game that both the CUBAN male and female play, the game of prostitution. My best friend (a male) is on vacation in Cuba now (Feb 9 - 15, 2015) and I pray that he is smart enough not to fall under the infulence of the sleazy CUBAN women.

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  7. AND, people in Canada can be just as bad!! I am a Canadian living in Canada and have yet to have a relationship with a guy who is not a cheater! I have been to many countries, Mexico, Dominican Republic, Panama, and Cuba many times, and despite the charm and romance thrown from every angle, I always saw right through it, until recently - I met a Cuban man (yes, on vacation in Cuba...), my age, and after spending every possible moment together, I left there feeling a love like never before, both toward him and from him. Never once did he mention the possibility of coming to Canada, never once did he ask me for anything at all! He, in fact, was the one who gave ME a gift! He didn't ask of anything other then to spend time with him and for me to be his girl and to come back to see him. We've since been in touch rather frequently through e-mail and every word is a tug at the heart strings as he claims he's fallen hard, and I know I have as well, although still, not once has he asked for anything of me, or mentioned wanting to leave Cuba. I am due to return there in a couple of months and do plan to spend most of my time with him again, and even though my heart is telling me to just marry him so we can be together, my experienced head knows that even though it's going to be a long, difficult and bumpy road, I have to wait it out and see if he really is the man I feel he is - and only time will reveal that! The hard part is feeling the way I am feeling for this man and not really being able to give it a fair shot due to the circumstances - you really do only get to truly know a person after spending time WITH them, as my last relationship revealed. But I suppose the time and distance will be a good test!
    I think it's one of those things that simply boils down to the "no news is good news" factor and nobody hears about the successful relationships, but only the negative ones. Bottom line is that MOST relationships fail these days, not just interracial/international ones.

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    1. don't be fooled by his love letters and sweet words. Yes, he probably will marry you in Cuba, and then he will be able to get what he really wants....moving to Canada...becoming a Canadian citizen, getting a job up here making real money, not the approx $30 a month Cubans get in their country. These Cuban men are slick and slimy ! They know exactly what to say and how to act to get a Canadian woman to fall in love with them, marry them in Cuban, buy and bring down all kinds of clothes, toys, gifts etc for their extended families, help pay for their parents' needs, and on and on. He is ''playing you for a fool" ! I have a friend who just went through this scenario for about 4 years. Spending her $$ to go to Cuba to be with him for extended stays. Paying for all kinds of things for his Mother's home, giving him money, buying clothes for young relatives. and on and on. The Cuban men put on such a sad and mournful story and act about how little they have and can you bring them ''this and that'' from Canada. NO ! he ''has not YET" asked you for anything or money ....but that will come in time , believe me. My good female friend who fell for that is now about 4 or more years into it, fell for him and she is about 30 or so years older than him and he asked her to marry and she did. She even paid all expenses to get him to Canada to live here and get a good job here, and buy a house in his name. And now.....he has left her, kept the house, and the good job she helped him get, and all the other material things. He goes to Cuba about once a month or two and stays a week or two taking lots of ''stuff'' from Canada for family and friends, and to his ''real love'' ...a Cuban girlfriend way younger than himself ! Who he has been seeing on the side for a few years while married to a Canadian, when he went on trips to Cuba to visit family ! My best advice is ....." How to tell when a Cuban man is lying to you ?
      ....Easy..." HIS MOUTH IS MOVING ! " Do not believe a word they say, they have no conscience. Their normal income from Cuban govt which is who employs all Cubans, is $30 per month...That's Cuban $ I think. They all love Canadian women and flirt heavily with tourists and try to get them to fall in love and then marry then and on and on. BEWARE, and share this post with any of your friends who are being romanced or just getting involved with a Cuban man !

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    2. All the guys in the islands know about European women from the behaviors that are, and have been displayed. I have seen some pretty shameful behavior myself and was appalled. This has been going on for years. So if you come there and act like an easy mark, then trust and believe that you will be taken up on your offer. You're not being honest with yourself. Why not go to Europe and do that same behavior? Why go to places where the people are brown and black? Do you think they don't see brown and black beauties everyday? The word is that you can be played. BTW I have also seen these same types of guys lavish women of color with dates-and pay the bill-gladly. I, myself went to the Bahamas and didn't pay one cent. AND, I didn't sex anyone either. Same thing happens in Kenya. I think they call them,"Muzugu"( European Women Who are Sex Tourists ) That's the word on the block , as we say. Don't wonder why you got jammed when that's what you advertised

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  8. oh!! AND I forgot to mention... there are also Canadian men who use Canadian women (and the other way around as well) for a free ride through life. I have also been victim of that little scenario. it's NOT only a Cuban thing!!

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  9. Take my advice. Never marry a Cuban. Expensive, you cannot live in Cuba, shortages, police State and most marriages do not work. Your Cuban partner is most likely to leave you for the US...

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  10. He just sensed that you were on to him and ran, up to his next prey. A person who really loves you will not get offended by just only one doubting email of yours and he will certainly not give up just like that. So you didn't lose him. You just never had him.

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  11. Oh yes these Cuban guys are smart. One of them talked my wife into bed and destroyed our marriage. Turns out all he wanted was her money. The worst part of this was his wife knew all along what he was doing.

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    1. I believe you, I had a cuban boyfriend, I was "the woman of his life" and then found out he had a serious relationship with a Cuban girl who Knew About Me!!! So it seems they do that, they are so desperate that they will do anything

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    2. I believe you, I had a cuban boyfriend, I was "the woman of his life" and then found out he had a serious relationship with a Cuban girl who Knew About Me!!! So it seems they do that, they are so desperate that they will do anything

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  12. I married a Cuban. Discussed with him all my concerns that I read online. I was completely transparent. He swore up and down it was love, we were soulmates etc. I waited two years to sponsor him and his first week here he was sullen and despondent. A year of trying to make it work our 16 month toddling around...we seperated not even two years being here. He is nothing like who he was in Cuba... its sad and heart breaking. Was I duped...probably. I wished we could have lived together for a year in Canad before anything was official. I thank my family for insisting on a marriage contract/pre-nup and I feel blessed for my beautiful daughter. I tell him that Karma will sort him out!

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  13. I married a Cuban. Discussed with him all my concerns that I read online. I was completely transparent. He swore up and down it was love, we were soulmates etc. I waited two years to sponsor him and his first week here he was sullen and despondent. A year of trying to make it work our 16 month toddling around...we seperated not even two years being here. He is nothing like who he was in Cuba... its sad and heart breaking. Was I duped...probably. I wished we could have lived together for a year in Canad before anything was official. I thank my family for insisting on a marriage contract/pre-nup and I feel blessed for my beautiful daughter. I tell him that Karma will sort him out!

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  14. I married a cuban on vacation as well, he seemed very genuine, we had good understanding between us and lots of chemistry, as he often mentioned. It took me a year to sponsor him and lots of money to travel every 2-3 month. Now he is here for 30 days, these are days of pure hell for me. He drinks every night, argues with me for stupid things, brings me to tears, asking me for money and buy him things, verbally abusing me, threw his cell phone at me and hit me on my wrist with his hand. Demands sex all the time and if i refuse accuses me of not loving him. Says that he wants to send all money that he makes to cuba to buy a house and he cannot help me with household expenses. Says that i have changed since he new me in cuba and that he heard from his friends that women in Canada change and are very crazy. I am in bad shape, feeling on the verge of nervous breakdown. i work 50 hrs week and then come home to his fights and accusations. This is my reality with my cuban man.

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  15. you are all idiots ! How on earth do you fall for this ? First of all telling him you are aware of the tricks and scams is the worst thing you can do. You should pretend that you are poor and struggle in canada and support your parents, see if they still " love you". YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE ON A RESORT !!!! taht right their should be a n indication that you are not thinking with your head. Think of that person after 40 -50 hour work week, when you have to pay bills, when you argue. Do you actually believe that it will be perfect ?????? crazy and you deserve to be used if you fall for it !

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  16. Cubans can be generous even without having nothing and treat everyone as if they were family. Had a great experience coexisting with them in Cuba. Specially in the poorest areas.
    But...All cubans I know are cheaters. They act as if it is a way of living life to the fullest. Selfish thinking and interest for money and material is high. (Specially the ones that moved to Canada, the nicest never left the country they love) But you know what? These cheaters are struggling because of that. They are alone or in an unhappy marriage. It is really tough to be alone in Canada, specially in a big city. Is so expensive and cold. They are suffering the consecuences and I am glad that I'm not like them. (not everyone tolerates this awful behaviour)
    They talked crap behind my back about me and my gf (she is Cuban as well, cheated on me once and regrets it ever since. I tought her about how being humble and selfless brings you positive things in life).
    I turned out the most succesful and happy. Just graduated and I am making a lot of hardworking and deserved money. Growing it smart without spending like crazy, like they do. I dont need their BS :)
    6 years of experience my friends. There is some faithful amazing cuban in there. But must be under the rocks hahaha good luck!

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    1. Are you a cuban yourself? It seems yes.

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  17. The comment on March 10th, 2017 was the latest news about dating cubans.

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